Saturday, January 2, 2016
Fi rants
I'm allowed to see things, feelings that others can't see. I'm able to read between the lines, but somehow I'm too afraid to react onto that. afraid that I might cross my lines and goes too deep into their inner self. Probably because I hate it when people get too involved into my inner thoughts too. I'd rather not let them watch me at my weakest point.
I would want to reach you, assure you, talk to you, let you open up every much of yourself to me, no matter what I'll listen. I know you'll need to talk to someone, and here I am. Sorry for not asking when you're not okay, it's not that I don't notice or I don't care. I'm just afraid to be rejected, I'm just afraid of hurting you even more and not react as expected from you. Human beings are so fascinating, why would they acted this way, and that, why people tell lies? Why would one kill? I don't understand that. A reason is needed to kill, but a reason is not needed to save a life, isn't it? Why would people get angry at the little-est things? Why do she sheds tears so much? I want to know the reasons, there must be something that has happened at one point of their life that triggered them for their actions. I believe that there is reason behind all that.
Then, I have feelings too, it's so stupid when I have a large circles of friends but none of them happens to know what's really into me. I guess I did a very good job concealing I guess. I'd never reveal myself to others, but I did several times, but the aftermath feelings was terrible. It's a fail. Nobody cares, they ought to defend themselves then, and they judge. Its quite a contradict to how I perceive feelings in others and myself.
Yes, I live in my own world, my own fantasies. I have my own thoughts and obviously I think differently from yours. I'm not the same as you guys, I tend to forget tiny details, I procrastinate, a lot. There's so much things running in my brain that I forgot all those. If it interest me, I will love it and get utterly obsessed. If it's not, I just won't give a damn about it. It's just so hard coping in with so much things that doesn't interest me, trying to put an effort on those tires me. I crushed my self-esteem. being different from others. I wish for someone to just hold my hands and lead me all way long and won't be disgrace at silly things I did. I just want someone to hear me. Notice me.
I would want to reach you, assure you, talk to you, let you open up every much of yourself to me, no matter what I'll listen. I know you'll need to talk to someone, and here I am. Sorry for not asking when you're not okay, it's not that I don't notice or I don't care. I'm just afraid to be rejected, I'm just afraid of hurting you even more and not react as expected from you. Human beings are so fascinating, why would they acted this way, and that, why people tell lies? Why would one kill? I don't understand that. A reason is needed to kill, but a reason is not needed to save a life, isn't it? Why would people get angry at the little-est things? Why do she sheds tears so much? I want to know the reasons, there must be something that has happened at one point of their life that triggered them for their actions. I believe that there is reason behind all that.
Then, I have feelings too, it's so stupid when I have a large circles of friends but none of them happens to know what's really into me. I guess I did a very good job concealing I guess. I'd never reveal myself to others, but I did several times, but the aftermath feelings was terrible. It's a fail. Nobody cares, they ought to defend themselves then, and they judge. Its quite a contradict to how I perceive feelings in others and myself.
Yes, I live in my own world, my own fantasies. I have my own thoughts and obviously I think differently from yours. I'm not the same as you guys, I tend to forget tiny details, I procrastinate, a lot. There's so much things running in my brain that I forgot all those. If it interest me, I will love it and get utterly obsessed. If it's not, I just won't give a damn about it. It's just so hard coping in with so much things that doesn't interest me, trying to put an effort on those tires me. I crushed my self-esteem. being different from others. I wish for someone to just hold my hands and lead me all way long and won't be disgrace at silly things I did. I just want someone to hear me. Notice me.
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